we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
