She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
