pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
