we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it glows. i had to have it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
