Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
