I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
birth control should be required to get into college
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
