I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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