After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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