I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
