I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
