The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
