How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
