I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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