Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
