some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
