It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
