i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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