yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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