Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
