I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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