When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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