she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
