I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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