I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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