whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
