Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
