Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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