I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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