I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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