You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
