She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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