you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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