Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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