I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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