If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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