I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
