I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
