he puts the penis in happiness.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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