Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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