i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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