the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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