I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
