That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Randomize
