My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
