I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
