You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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