I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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