oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
her facebook's as public as her vagina
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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