Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
