let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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