You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got inside last night via doggy door
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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